Today marks 1 year since we got the midnight call about our precious baby boy. I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember every little detail. I remember feeling like we were in the deepest valley we had ever been in and not knowing if we would ever climb out. I remember rocking Kennedy to sleep and very carefully putting her in the bassinet as not to wake her. My prayers that night were not the nicest I have to admit and I was bitter and angry as this was the last night she'd be with us and another door would be closing. I prayed for Kennedy and her safety, family, etc. I then began to tell God how mad I was at him and asked him what we were suppose to do next? I literally remember saying, "whatever we are suppose to do - wherever we are suppose to go - We will." If only he would show us a sign somehow. But in my own pity, I felt ignored and He was silent. This was about 11:15pm. As I walked out of the bedroom the phone rang, which made me even more mad because Kennedy was such a light sleeper and it took hours to get her through her "withdraw symptoms" and to sleep each night. Matt answered the phone and stood still as shock swept over his face. My heart sank -- no good usually comes from a phone call at 11:30pm. I kept asking him who it was, and he kept his shocked demeanor for what seemed like eternity. He softly spoke, "It's Ted - from Taiwan. Do we want a baby boy?". Our eyes opened wide at each other and we knew -- God was speaking. I whispered yes while trying to soak it all in. I took the phone as Bev began telling me all about this precious baby we were instantly in love with. I was writing everything down as fast as I could while trying to understand what had just happened. I hung up the phone and Matt and I just stared at each other in disbelief. We hardly slept that night of course and our crazy journey began to bring him home. The next morning I remember waking up and looking at Matt and saying, " was that a dream?". Neither of us were completely sure so we ran to the computer and opened our email to find 3 beautiful pics of a baby boy titled, "Grayson David Miller". We knew it was real - we knew HE was real.
That was my first lesson learned - Even when God is silent, he is still God and his plans will far exceed our own if we will submit completely to him.
I also learned that God has a sense of humor. The babies room was PINK! Pink clothes, pink toys, pink bedroom. Definitely wasn't going to work for a boy :) God knew I would need something to keep my mind going and help the days go quickly as we were waiting to get to him. So we changed the room and clothes :)
It's funny how we can be in such a different place just 1 year later. I think sometimes God allows us to experience the valleys so we will trust him to lead us to the mountain tops.
If God is putting adoption on your heart and you just aren't quite sure what do to - consider this "a sign" and take a leap of faith. It will not always be easy, but it will be worth it.
~Matt, Lindsay, & Grayson Miller
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