It’s been different. This Christmas season has definitely
been different than normal for me. It’s the first time in my life I’ve been
without Lindsay for a period of over a week. It’s never happened before. She’s
not here. I’m alone. It’s tough for me to function like I normally would. Yes,
I have a very deeper appreciation of what Lindsay brings to our marriage now. I
knew she did a lot. I already knew it was way more than me. But honestly, she
does a lot more than I realized. Yes, I know that I don’t use my time as wisely
as I should, but for real, she gives a lot more than I do in our marriage. I need to step up my game.
I think what really makes me miss Lenz the most is going to
church. We always sit right next to each other, hold hands during prayers, and
nudge each other during funny parts of the sermon. We also have this secret
signal that we tell each other when we want to laugh at something but we can’t
right at that moment. I could tell you what it is, but that blows our cover.
So, I shall not tell you. Shhhh. It’s a secret. As I entered the sanctuary for
the Christmas Eve service and found an open seat tonight, a couple people asked
if I wanted to sit with them. I told them no thanks, but I appreciated the
offers. I’m more of a back row kind of
guy if you know what I mean. Tonight, at the Christmas Eve service, it finally
really hit me that she wasn’t really here. She was on the other side of the
world with our son Grayson. Of course I
realized that she wasn’t here before now. I did notice that I have been talking
to the dogs more than normal though (LOL). It just kind of came to a head in a moment
when we sang “Silent Night” by “electronic” candlelight. It hit me hard. I cried. I cried some more. I
felt alone.
That was the last song we sang and then we dismissed. As I
was wiping tears that never really ran down my cheeks, a friend asked if I
needed to go anywhere tomorrow on Christmas. I told him that I had my family
close and Lindsay’s family as well and I really appreciated the offer because I
did. He gave me some fresh-from-the-coop eggs and some sausage for breakfast
tomorrow. Not really sure why he was just carrying them at the moment, but I
accepted his offer. As I was finishing up that conversation, I received a hug
from a friend who just simply said they were praying for us. My eyes welled up
again. I told them thank you and that we
greatly appreciate it because we do. Next, some other really good friends who
have been down the adoption road a few times and worn their own path invited me
to spend the night at their house and then they prayed with me. Tears. Again.
Thankful. Blessed. I turned down their offer to spend the night. Not because I
didn’t want to, but because I knew that I was already taken care of for tonight
and tomorrow. Skip a little more time and a short ride in the Ghost (my car) and
I am sitting in my living room. Nathan, Lindsay’s sister Staci’s husband, shows
up at our door with some gifts from other people and family members. There was
some food, some toys, and some cards. Nathan left. More cyring. More thankful.
More blessed.
During the Christmas Eve service, Gary Cornwell mentioned
some quotes from this speech http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kADRKaliTII
by Mike Huckabee about “Where is God?” during times like the Sandy Hook Elementary
tragedies. I had posted this speech on my facebook timeline earlier in the
week. I was initially drawn to what Huckabee said about how God was displayed
during the tragic times. He said that God was displayed in the teachers putting
their lives between them and students, in policemen and first responders who
entered the building without knowing what was inside, in the hugs and tears, in
the prayers lifted up at local churches, and at The White House when the
President quoted scripture. Huckabee was saying that God was there. God was supporting others. God’s love was covering
others. God’s compassion was being
displayed by the words, hugs, and love poured out over the victims and their families.
God was there.
Now, I completely understand that our adoption process has
very little to do with the magnitude that the Sandy Hook shootings entail, but
there is no doubt that God has been with me while I struggle here while Lenz
has been away. Every adoption story has their own personal story that is not right
out of a storybook with the perfect script and wins the Newberry Award. Ask
anyone who has adopted and you’ll probably need to pull up a chair. Through all
the negative times, God’s light has been shown to my family time after time
after time. It has come in the form of monetary donations. Of hugs. Of food. Of
gifts. Of cards in the mail. Of smiles. Of offers to help out. Of teachers
helping me “steal” their lesson plans. Of prayers. Of facebook messages. Of
emails. Of major sporting event tickets to get my mind off it. Of playing video
games with a friend and brother. Of more prayers. Of offers from people to
clean our house (I should have taken them up on that, hehe).Of gift cards. Of Defining
Hope shirt-wearers. Of Chex-Mix and Puppy chow. Of a basketball player saying
that their family has been praying for us. Of more hugs. Of checks from people
who I don’t even know (thank you, dearly). Of people who like bidding on
Precious Moments collectibles. Of people who bought a $5 dollar foam airplane.
Of everything else that I’ve missed. You displayed God through you. He was
there. He is here. Emmanuel – God with us. (interesting how it’s Christmas today).
God’s light is shining through you all for Lindsay, Grayson,
and I like a lighthouse on a stormy and foggy night.
Matthew 5:16 In
the same way, let your light shine before
others, that they may see your good
deeds and glorify your Father
in heaven.
Everyone knows that a candle can’t burn without being
exposed to some air. A hidden light won’t shine. It has to be exposed. It can’t
be trapped and help uptight or it will not burn. When your light shines it gets
reflected. What gets reflected is God’s light. Your lights have shown. Bright
and without flittering. You wouldn’t believe the people who have heard our
story and have somehow shown God’s light in one way or another by helping to bring
Grayson home. If you really think about it, I have close to 500 or so facebook
friends, I work at a school of 500+ students, Lindsay teaches/coaches at a
gym/school with around 200+ students plus their parents, and we go to church
with around 800-900 people. That is just the tip of the iceberg. How about that
I got to tell our whole story (in about 20 seconds) to the US Customs worker in
Chicago who had the personality of a rock when we started chatting. By the end,
he cracked a smile and wished us the best. I don’t say these things to brag or
anything like that. I’m just simply saying that “Wow! There is a lot of God’s
light being reflected around just because we decided to adopt.” None of this
happens without all these people sharing God’s light and I hope that someone
has seen you do some of these things and other non-believers have had to
question why you did any of the huge list listed above. All you simply had to
say was love. Simply love. You did it out of love. We are told to love. Not
just to love, but to love your neighbor as yourself. Shoot, it’s the 2nd most important
thing to do according to…
Mark 12:30-31 Love
the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your
mind and with all your strength.’ The
second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”
We are called to do anything you can to help your neighbor.
You did. You have loved. I have felt it.
I/We have been shown God’s love and grace through all of you. I can only hope
to someday show God’s love to others as you have done us. We are truly blessed.
Thank you. May the Lord bless you as well.
Merry Christmas,
Matt
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